My dad's last days

I stand in front of my fathers bed.

(His deathbed if the hospital does not kick him out)

waiting for a spark of awareness to animate him,

waiting for the lack of that spark to take the steps

to let him die.

Or is it so simple?

We take away the things that let him live, or is it the

things that let him exist?

Studying aikido

I just tested for my 2nd kyu (brown belt) in Aikido. I passed, which certainly made me happy, as it was a long ( 1 1/2 hour) and difficult test involving body arts and weapons. I wish I could devote more time to it. I need to train for 300 days before I can take my next test, and then 300 (or 400 not sure which) more training days before I can test for my black belt. It seems like a long jouney. But with 2 young children (boys 13 & 11), a happy marriage (unlike the previous one), and a demanding job, time is hard to find, especially at class times of 10AM and 6 or 7PM.

Aikido is not an agressive art: it does not involve attacking someone, rather blending with and redirecting the energy of someone attacking you. It can be very meditative: it has been referred to as meditation in motion, and sometimes I quiet my mind and achieve that. When I was younger, I studied a "hard" form of karate, and judo. Both were too competetive for my taste (now). The karate was also too violent, certainly in intent: when I left university I stopped doing karate, at first because I couldn't find a dojo with the same style, but later I realized that it just didn't fit me. I studied judo both in university and afterwards, but I contracted Lyme disease and was unable to do much of anything for 4 years. Afterwards, the Dojo I had studied at closed, and the other dojos nearby were too interested in competition for my taste. I studied yoga for several years, and I still enjoy going to the occasional class, but it wasn't physical enough.

Aikido, with an emphasis on self, does not hold competitions. One trains with a partner, rather than an opponent, a huge distinction. In karate and judo, one trains with an opponent.
I am also fortunate in that the sensei (instructor) is amazing. He teaches aikido full time, is unbelieveably good at it, and embodies all the best qualities of a human being. He has also become a good friend.

What pets can mean

A week ago, my mom had to put her cat to sleep. It was a tortoise-shell himalayan and she had had it for 20 years. "Jezebel" meant more to her than she even realized, and she is still feeling very guilty about having her put to sleep, even though she had cancer of the jaw, was in pain, couldn't eat, and the cancer had spread. Cats are very private creatures, and hide how badly off they are to the very end. That kind of guilt is hard for someone else to try and lift: I've talked to her, but logic rarely helps refute strong emotions like love, guilt, and loss.

First Post

As part of the process of leaving a message on another blog, I was forced to create a blog myself in order to leave a message. I suppose it encourages more people to start a blog. The username that I initially chose was Sunwolf, which was taken. I then chose Dragonsbane, the name of my sailboat. Also taken, but then Dragonsbane1 was not. I wonder about the person that took Dragonsbane, and why.

Robert.